Some Bad Non Clusters and Fear
I have not been getting bad cluster pain recently perhaps because the Topamax I have been on for quite a while has kept them under control or maybe because I am just in a natural lull like I have experienced before.
But that doesn't mean that I get to enjoy living with the reduced number and much more mild cluster attacks, oh hell no! Other "varieties" of headache have crept in to fill the void. Something about me just makes me very susceptible to headache... It is as if some entity even seems to "WANT" me to have a headache most of the time and will find a way to make it happen. It is a very unpleasant way to live your life. (a huge understatement due to a desire to avoid profanity for once)
So as if the headache that started sunday evening and lasted till Wednesday morning were not enough... My special friends the "intense pain in the morning if you sleep as much as a normal person" headaches are back.
The two day headache was close to the surface on the left temple very intense twingeing like a nerve gone haywire. the skin on that side of my face was tender and by the end of the marathon it felt like i had been hugging a cactus for 2 days while a prize fighter whacked me in the temple during breaks from the hugging.
The morning headaches I have described before, but they are particularly insidious. If I sleep enough to get good rest... I wake with a screaming vascular "all over" headache that hurts when I move and dissipates the longer I am awake. It takes about an hour for a really bad one to get low enough so I don't notice it. One thing I am noticing as this one dissipates is that is feels a bit like a cluster that has switched sides and is hidden "underneath" the tension pain.
The message of these headaches is clear... sleep to much (more than 4-5 hours) and you will suffer.
Neither of these varieties of pain is any were NEAR a modestly powerful cluster attack... but I am "used" to those and dealing with them. Plus, this is supposed to be MY time dammit. I am supposed to be rebuilding my spirit at any chance I get. Always in the back of my head is the fear that this my be the precursor to me becoming one of those poor souls that is genuinely chronic and has clusters every day of their life.
I have great empath for any of you out there that deal with that. Keep being so brave please.