November 13, 2005 :: 11:18 p.m.

he's got one right now, that's getting kind of bad. he's had a 1 all day long, and now it's getting worse. it's at a 2, and he thinks it might get as bad as a 3.

he keeps having these "long and low" ones almost nonstop.

they ARE DEFINITELY clusters.

he's utterly exhausted. he's grouchy, silent, and depressed and feels "stupid" all the time... beaten down, brain dead, like the world doesn't exist without pain.

part of me thinks the bad ones are easier to handle, because they fucking END. these don't. then the other part of me thinks these are easier to handle, because they don't bring him to his knees, asking what he has done wrong to deserve them.

we haven't posted in a while because it seems pointless to post daily and say that the same low-level CH that has been with him for the past week is still with him. no changes.