Doc's Cluster Headache Journal

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

10 days? 11? whos counting...

I still have the headache... Each day it seemed to feel a little less painful and for a few hours yesterday I could still feel it but it felt like it might be finally leaving, but then I fell asleep downstairs and when I awoke at around 3:30 It was awful. I felt like all of me was gone... I was a simpering weird little half human. I couldn't really wake up and I couldn't fall completely asleep. I crawled up to bed and tried to relax but with all my twitching and moaning I eventually woke up my wife and she started rubbing my head. I cant really explain how good the contact felt the "simpering half human" felt very alone and confused... when I say I "feel dumb" when I get headaches I literally mean I feel like I lose cognitive ability. It is very frightening to me.

My wife must really love me... I cant imagine what dealing with me when I am really "out of it" must be like.

This morning I woke up felling like 2 big guys had beat the living crap outa me. Looks like it wont be over as soon as I had hoped.


  • Yes, you're right, I do really love you. Really really.

    I've learned to kind of go into this weird almost detached sort of "state" where I can be objective, and helpful to you, and not take it personally if you're grouchy, and speak calmly, and suggest things to you, and try to help you keep it together, etc. Otherwise I'd be an emotional wreck too.

    Of course being in that "detached" state makes me feel guilty because I wonder if it seems like I don't care. But that's not it, it's just that I have to keep it together and that's the only way.

    This is not your normal cluster cycle. There is something weird and wrong going on and we need to pester the fuck out of the doctors until they do something about it. I know you hate that but we have to do it anyway. (Rub some dirt on it!)

    Medication is not fixing this.

    By Blogger ShinyGirl, at 7/24/2007 2:19 PM  

  • I can't believe you two are able to function, let alone be as creaive as you are. Did you read my email? I want to be helpful to you both. What can I do?

    By Anonymous Kelly, at 7/24/2007 4:15 PM  

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