Doc's Cluster Headache Journal

Thursday, August 03, 2017

Only mild symptoms recently. I am still taking a small amount of Topamax daily but I doubt that has as much to do with the drop off in attacks as just getting older does. I am 53ish now and like is often reported by others I seem to be outgrowing the pain.

I still go through cycles that I associate with clusters, I used to call them "stupid auras". Long ago I noticed that I started felling "weird" and out of sorts when I would begin a cluster cycle. I would complain that I couldn’t "think right" and have a bit of problems stringing words together. It was quite annoying and it was one of the things that convinced me that clusters were neurological in nature long before the research started to point that way. Well, sadly although the intense pain is mostly fading... the stupefaction still remains. I still have weeks or months long periods were I am convinced that I am working at a diminished capacity. When I cone out of one, it is like a new dawn and I often feel like I don't know what I have been doing during that time. Its like i'm trending water and every so often I get to come ashore and rest only to have the tide come in and I have to start struggling again. Add to this the well know effects of Topamax and the learning differences I was born with and I have a recall hard time presenting myself as the intelligent well spoken person that I like to be seen as. I sometimes wonder if I have always had these "stupid auras" and if it is related to or exasperated my learning disabilities in school and throughout my life.

Clusters are thought to be related to a dysfunction of the hippocampus, learning disabilities are dysfunction in other areas of the brain, I would not be surprised that one day it is discovered that it could be related. at least in some people like me. 

I am still getting migraines on a fairly consistent basis but they are getting less noticeable to be as I have just lived with them for a while now and are often long lasting but low grade. They can sometimes peak and get quite bothersome and still often last for many days at a time non stop. But as many cluster sufferers will likely tell you the pain is "different" and is much more manageable to me at least now that I am used to it after many years.


But if anyone comes across this the main take away that I want to share is that I am alive and well in 2017 and largely free from the brutal pain that I once suffered and is documented in this blog. Please take heart, I know it hurts... I know how much it hurts, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.



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